Tuesday, April 19, 2011

She Smoked Blue Velvet

by J.S. Holland

You all know me, I'm not really a smoker. Oh, I puff a fancy cigar now and then for kicks, and I've been experimenting with a pipe, doing tobacco-tasting in much the same way that a wine fancier enjoys his/her hobby in moderation, as opposed to drunkenness.

Compared to these heady delights, I can't abide the shrill harsh nasty chemical radioactive formaldehyde crap that they put in the common man's cigarettes. (Brother Dockery rolls his own from big bags of the good organic stuff, so he's alright.) However, strictly in the name of science and all its wonders, I've bummed entire packs of Kentucky's Best from good old Vicki-toria and found them to mostly live up to their home-grown rep of being crap-free. They do have a rather raw Earthen taste though, even compared to the punchiest Oscuro cigars. And my dabblings in Florida with fly-by-night local cigs have been nothing short of a disaster - they tasted like smoking discarded diapers marinated in a colloidal suspension of asphalt and burnt urine.

But today, hanging out the offices of JSH World Headquarters, I noticed my attorney puffing some far-out crazy brand of smokes I'd never seen before. Berley Blue. What kinda Frito-Lay off-brand is that? It said on the side that it's manufactured by the Tantus Tobacco Company in Russell Springs, Kentucky, so I thought I'd give it a try for patriotism's sake. And though I'm still not a fan of cigarettes, I have to say these were an exceptionally tasty and smoooooooooooooth diversion, like smoking velour or velvet. (Well, no, probably not, really; it's a metaphor.)

If you wanna smoke local and not choke vocal, I recommend this Berley Blue whatever-the-heck-it-is. At least use it as a stepping stone to wean yourself off of corporate death utensils and get onto our good stuff.

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